Do you find yourself with great opinions but screaming into the void? Do you want people to pay more attention to you but don’t know how standout from the pack of people with the same opinions but better written? Have no fear, Craccum is here to help. Our definitive guide can take you from ‘old man yelling at cloud’ to ‘young woke man shouting about injustice’ in a few simple steps.
1. Choose your platform
This may sound like a simple step, but using the wrong platform can be detrimental. It all depends on what you want to achieve. Facebook is a good tool for alienating friends and family with your long-winded posts that leaves you arguing with a boomer in the comments. If you want attention from those you know, this is the platform for you. Instagram, on the other hand, is great for making a point about ‘perceived image’. Make sure to post either a black and white selfie of you not looking your greatest, or an artfully composed shot of you looking at a wide expanse next to your rant about being picture-perfect. Finally, Twitter is the perfect platform for informing people that they don’t know that you, a woke individual, are mad… again. Make sure to let people know that your opinion is the be-all and end-all of the conversation – if people challenge you, make sure to do some serious sub-tweeting to assert your dominance.
2. Join a bandwagon
This needs to be one already at the peak of the news cycle. Why bring up another point when you can add your voice to the masses? This way, when people skim through the hashtag, your input will be briefly read in the process. Extra points if you’re not part of the minority but an ally, and then only talk to other allies rather than those affected.
3. Pick a fight
DRAMA. Conflict is a key tool in getting people to pay attention to what’s going on. You can utilise this in your everyday life; don’t be afraid to call someone out – it doesn’t matter if you like them or hate them, just go in (Pro tip: don’t forget to tag them). All issues can be solved in the DM’s later, and you have earned your clout points. After resolving your created drama, remember to leave your call-out on your account to show that you are a brave keyboard warrior.
4. Rinse, Repeat, Rejoice
Once you have the first three steps down it’s pretty easy. Repeat the simple formula to your heart’s content until you gain all the clout you desired. Soon you can go to flat parties and introduce yourself as ‘kinda a big deal online’. The true test of when you have clout is when you have more followers than you are following. Don’t be sad if you don’t pass just yet, just follow Craccum’s simple guide and you’ll make it one day friend.