Aries
Bring out your competitive edge, make a kahoot quiz with facts all about yourself, and pit your friends to battle to the death of who actually knows the best. You’re the star of the show, and they should treat you like one.
Taurus
Speed is the machine, so post a cute selfie of you being a picnic pitch on IG with some gingham in your garden, and the first 9 who like it will be your posse for brunch at your local park. It’s time to get some new group aesthetic shots, your room selfies are not cutting it.
Gemini
Variety makes the heart sing, so you need Aries, Taurus, cancer, Leo, Libra, Scorpio, Sag and Capricorn and Aquarius. Sorry Virgo and Pisces, you’re culled because the stars say it aren’t compatible (it’s a nice way of saying… bye boy blue!).
Cancer
The only company you need is yourself, because you’ve realised you’re actually quite happy with these quiet times at homes, and small bubbles. Here’s hoping your personal space is still respected with these 2m rules. Spend that time giving some love back to the neighbourhood cats, you can pet them now!
Leo
You are a fiend and already conspiring with a friend to each individually book a table next to each other at the restaurant for ten people. That’s 20 and that’s illegal. BYO ass back home fool.
Virgo
You will try organise a hangout and everyone is super keen! Emojis in the group chat. But somehow it falls through, until you watch on social media that… oh… they’re all hanging. Just without you. Oh man that hurts. There’s a new kid there… making exactly ten. Looks like you replaced, zoink!
Libra
You’ve forgotten how to talk to anyone but your one flatmate, maybe go gentle and ease into it. We saw how you were in the group zoom call last week, looking a bit flushed with stressed and over stimulation. All the loud sounds and colours of more than one body in your vision takes a bit more adjustment.
Scorpio
Check up on the older people in your life! A bit of aroha goes a long way. Show off your sourdough to your grandparents if you are lucky enough to have them here, otherwise ring up some family friends, see how they are doing!
Sagittarius
it’s easy, you’ve only got 3 friends anyways. Let’s hope they are still there. Oh wait… one of them has found themselves in a lockdown boyfriend situation (could be Capricorn) Oh that’s okay… there’s still two others. Oh… wait it looks like they’re dating now too. Um…
Capricorn
You’ve wasted it all on shitty tinder dick. I guess if you are on good terms with them, a ten person orgy would do the trick. It’s like putting all the vegetables in the pot with some spices, it’ll mask how gross the veges really are? Otherwise, solo dance it.
Aquarius
Well, all your cousins are in town. Look at them, small screeming and grubby hands already smearing the window. Oh, that aunt is visiting again. Here we go. You probably dreaming of the days of Lockdown 4, where everyone can fuck off.
Pisces
clone urself. 9 times. the best version of u is all you need.
