I have always liked boardgames. In 2012 I thought Imagine Dragons was a board game. My family has bonded and shattered over them, and as I’ve entered adulthood I’ve eagerly awaited my friends to settle down and join me in the grandma mindset I adopted at 10. Without further adieu, here are some of my experiences and reviews of boardgames under Rāhui.
In which my flat mate called me a “fucking bitch” and to be honest, I agreed with her.
Settlers of Catan is a fantastic board game. It’s not too hard to grasp, but like all games it’s best if you’re playing with someone who knows the rules already. It’s about building settlements and harvesting resources. The more resources you harvest, the more you can build, thereby increasing the street cred you hold within your flat (although that depends on your idea of street cred lmao). It’s a healthy mix of luck and skill, and as I discovered, betrayal. During one of my Settlers episodes under Rāhui, I found myself in possession of an ore empire. Being slightly inebriated, I dubbed myself the “Ore Tycoon” and went mad with power as I attempted to collect as much ore as possible. I also obtained a card which allowed me to steal ALL of a particular resource from a certain player. As a result, my flatmate (perhaps rightfully) called me a ‘fucking bitch’ and the game was somewhat soured. Neither of us won, and we’ve not played as a flat since, however I have heard rumours she’s downloaded a Settler’s app onto her phone, perhaps to train up and seek revenge. Anyway, if you’re looking to introduce a healthy fight into your flat, look no further than Settlers.
Chance of a fight: 75%
In which my partner stormed out of the room, got into bed, and turned off the light.
Coup is straight up fucked. While Settlers is a little bit sneaky and savvy, Coup is blatantly lying to those you hold dear. I LOVE it. If you’ve ever played the game Werewolf/Mafia or the card game Bullshit, it has similar elements. It’s a card game set in a dystopian future and everyone gets two cards featuring any pairing of the game’s five characters. Each character has special skills which are employed to coup (read: DESTROY) other characters until you’re the last dictator standing. One time it got so heated my partner stormed out of the room. We thought it was a joke until he didn’t come back. I went to check on him and there he was, tucked up in bed with the light out, wallowing in anger and shame. We’ve all been there, and you can too – with Coup.
Chance of a fight: 99%
In which I continued my streak of beating everyone I’ve ever dated.
I take great pride in the fact that I have beaten every person I’ve dated in the game of Chess. Chess is good if you’ve got some time to kill, but it’s really not worth it if you’re playing someone way better or way worse than you. Once you find that sweet spot of an opponent, you’re set. A chess memory which has stuck with me over the years is when one mother during my primary school days took great offence at how the little pieces in chess are called ‘Pawns,’ and consequently made her daughter call them ‘Prawns.’ Ah yes, because there’s nothing sexier than a wee chess piece that isn’t even that great unless you get it to the end of the board and turn it into a Queen. I mean, I’m sure if she really wanted to she could have found some porn (or dare I say – pawn) where someone used said piece in a #sexualmanner (I leave that up to your imagination). But even in my horniest lockdown state, even I have not sunk that low (though if that’s your thing, all power to you. No Chess kink shame here).
Anyway, Chess is good. Chess is fun. But best if you’re playing with someone of your level, or if you’re kind of new, someone who can teach you.
Chance of fight: I’d say about 30%. There’s nothing really up for negotiation, so if you’re fighting, you’re probably losing. That said, I’ve had HUGE fights over Chess, so what do I know.
In which my flat mates got stoned and everyone was friends again.
Ah, Dixit. The peacemaker of boardgames. If Dixit were a person they’d be a nice, rational hippy. Not an excruciating, self righteous, culture appropriating hippy – but a nice one who offers you great advice and gave you that kombucha scoby one time. Of all of my boardgame endeavours under Rāhui, Dixit has been my favourite.
Dixit helps you learn about others and yourself through beautiful abstract illustrations. You pick a theme and choose a card from your hand that you think best represents it. Everyone chooses a card that they also think best represents said theme, then everyone guesses which card the theme-maker put down. Sorry, I know this is super convoluted, but trust me, it’s awesome. It can be as wholesome or as dirty as you like, plus the tokens are colourful rabbits! It serves as a nice, tranquiliser at the end of what was, if you’re playing with me, probably quite a traumatic night. It’s sweet and fun and is simple enough that you can play it stoned out of your brain. Which in fact, I would encourage.
If you like art, feelings, learning about people, and/or weed, I can not recommend this game enough.
Chance of a fight: 10%