Aries: Minister of Primary Industries: you’re a farm kid and we love that you know how to drive a quad bike, and scoop poop. Bio-security is a big deal though, and with a cute beagle sniffing out the real fiends at the airport (rotten apples), you are protecting our borders.
Taurus: Minister of Climate Change, Minister of Statistics, Associate Minister of Finance: Hey Buddy, you wear lots of different hats! And that’s cool. You know as they say, jack of all trades, master of – Oh wait! Didn’t you get punched in the face outside parliament?
Gemini: Minister of Social development: Wow life of the party. However there are definitely some significant questions around the access of welfare. Our migrant worker communities are still being exploited for labour, and employment contracts thrown out the window. But, I guess you are paying for our student loans and allowance.
Cancer: Minister of Education: Stingy bastard. Pay our teachers. Sort out the clownshow of student accommodation costs. Increase access to tertiary education across social economic levels. Also how are we going to support the graduating class being thrown straight into a global pandemic?
Leo: Minister of Foreign Affairs: We get it you travel. We get it you went on exchange (or had it cancelled rip). In the meantime, do stir up a political tiff with China regarding Taiwan and WHO. You’ve been pretty complacent other times but it be diplomacy ay.
Virgo: Minister of Transport: We love to hate you. But honestly you try your best, even if your timing is a bit on the wack time sometimes. We didn’t realise how much we need you, until your bus drivers striked out on being overworked. Honestly, thank you.
Libra, Minister of Justice, hot twitter game with a bangin bod. Nuff said.
Scorpio: Minister of GCSB, minister of NZSIS. You’re the kid no one really pays attention to. Slips under the radar. Except you’re always somehow at the more prestigious events and parties. You’re both at the bottom and top of the social hierarchy. We all know a kid like this. But can’t quite remember their name…
Sagittarius: Minister of Arts culture and heritage, Minister of Broadcasting, Communications and Digital media. You probably own a substantial collection of Ruby clothes, Lonely Lingerie, and curated opshop pieces. The most chic silk scarves, and the best follower to following ratio. Rumour has it you’re getting brand deals, and how is your social media so slick? It’s impeccably curated! Not a messy drunk pic anywhere!!
Capricorn: You are the Health Minister. Don’t know anything about health? No problem. Neither does the current one (PHD in existential thinking?). Have a think about what 30 second song you’d like to sing next time you are washing your hands.
Aquarius: Minister of Internal Affairs: You love to get around. The best networker. But, what do you actually do? oh… The national library, the gambling commission, and Commissions of Inquiry and ad hoc bodies such as the Royal Commission of Inquiry on Historic Abuse in State Care and in the Care of Faith-based Institutions. Damn okay, that’s definitely a mix.
Pisces: Minister of Fisheries: Get your head out of the clouds and into the sea. Microplastics are kind of terrifying, and sustainability in fishing is so important to protect taonga. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but don’t go swiping willy nilly.
