The bootleg rating of Shapes. Kind of like when you asked your Eastearn European Auntie to bring you Shrek on DVD but it’s SHROK, and he’s purple and distorted and donkey looks like eeyore got hit by a pickup truck. Flick to features for the real Dreamworks version. Here at Lifestyle, we ain’t about paying for licensing rights.
- Rhombus – Damn she’s a sexy thing. When a cutie has slanted equal sides and can spin around, gets my heart racing. Includes gems such as parallelogram and kite. She’s been with you since the beginning. Childhood sweethearts. Your puppy crush as you try to draw squares with wobbly lines in Kindy to understand her. An eternal romance.
- Nonagon – They’re pretty mysterious, and pretty charming. There’s something intoxicating about their nine sides, feline in their suave smooth edges. They can see straight through you, and in the bedroom bring out the dominance with an enneagram. Oh a nine-pointed plane figure chokes me out so good.
- In Colour by Shapeshifter: A summer classic, 2013 was a pretty good year. A year after that whole Mayan end of the world debacle. The calm after the storm. Maybe that’s 2021 for us.
- The shapes you cut on a Saturday night at da club- it’s not good. It’s not bad. It’s fine.
- Dodecahedron – The most alpha of all the polyhedrons. However, it’s also best to keep this one as a platonic solid. He’s regular, he’s congruent, a classic shape. Which is fine. Just kind of… boring once you get over the hype of it’s puffed out sides. Look at how Gabrielle is now, having picked Troy. She really should have gone with Kelsi.
- Trapezoid – not to be confused with the muscle group trapezius. But a common mistake, as these two bros are often at the gym. And since it always misses leg day, it’s always misshapen or top heavy.
- Trefoil – Wow! Tres bien! You symbolise lots of things. Recycle! Biological Hazard, Girl Scouts, VORTAC Aircraft Navigation Beacon. Honestly I’d rate you higher, but I’m not sure about the association with Adidas. Triangles and Corporate power.
- Shape of You by Ed Sheeran.
