At Craccum, we have a finite amount of space to publish content – it’s just the nature of physical media. Hoard it, baby. Unlike Buzzfeed, we cannot simply act as a host for any given idea; we must refine, compress, really make sure it speaks to the student and covers a variety of interests at the same time. We have to be clear: this represents all students at UoA. Entirely. Also, this is an Arts section, so we encourage media literacy by relating it to all fields of life. So, with all this sorted, we present a quiz to cover multiple needs; what Looney Tunes character are you based on your kinks and fetishes?
A) Temptasia – Bondage Rope Black 10m ($59.99)
B) Lovetoy Silicone Dog Bone Gag ($42.99)
C) Zero Tolerance Cock Armor (HOT DEAL! $115.99)
D) Leather Suede Barbed Wire Flogger Black ($185.99)
A) A sensual evening of quiet pleasure, where they pour candle wax on your back while you moan.
B) Zootopia (2016) on Bluray.
C) There was no lovely night out. You’ve spent three days gleefully in a basement, surviving off rain water and cumming at the merest sight of your dom’s stilettos.
D) There was no lovely night out. You’ve spent three days dominating your pathetic little slave sub, tying him to a pipe at his request. He disgusts you entirely.
A) Emily Ratajkowski. What? Who said it needed to be outside the box?
B) It’s not a question of who, but… what genus?
C) You are no longer able to masturbate without outside aid, but when it happens, Helen Mirren
D) Christopher Meloni
A) Slathering ‘it’ in honey and sticking ‘it’ in a termite hill
B) Jerking it in the ocean and seeing whether the minnows enjoy a little salt in their diet.
C) Starving yourself of water for two days so you can hallucinate Kate from LOST spitting on you.
D) Who would be so unable to control themselves, so driven by barbaric and bestial imprinting on our evolved brains? I reject the premise, I reject all of this, you sick fuck.
A) The back of the neck, after it has been spritzed with Kiehl’s Original Musk.
B) The hairiest section of the thickest thighs. One long lick.
C) The grease at the back of the knee after a long summer day in tight jeans.
D) You will direct your sub to licking the grit on the concrete, and they will enjoy it.
Mostly As) Bugs Bunny | You are in control of your desires, partly because your fetishes tend to be more middle of the road – you’re a rope bunny, you let the rope tie you up because you want it to.
Mostly Bs) Gossamer | You are unashamed in your inclination towards the… fuzzier things in life. Well, sometimes fuzzy. Usually leathery, can also have their body temperature regulated by the sun. Look, you’re a furry.
Mostly Cs) Marvin the Martian | Seek help. You are submissive beyond repair.
Mostly Ds) Granny | Behind your more modest exterior lies a heart of utmost savagery, one that gets off solely on domineering – but consensually – the pathetic, who seek you out like a stray dog hungry for a lick at the bowl. And they’ll lick the dog bowl, alright.
Note: Did you know there is, like, ONE female Looney Tunes character that isn’t a sexy clone of an established character? Lola Bunny is the blueprint, not the exception! Literally. The sole exception is fucking Granny, and I think she was made for the ‘90s TV genre craze of let’s-make-our-IP-into-babies-’cause-Muppets-did it. The exception is not Tweety! ‘Cause he’s male! Also, did you know that Jessica Rabbit isn’t a Warner Brothers property? She’s owned by Disney! Fucking weird, right? I probably should have been clued in by the fact that Disneyland sells shot glasses with her face on them, but still pretty odd, right?