It’s D-day and we’re all due back on campus at some point or another. Well, that is if UoA can make up their minds. Miss Fortune predicts a turbulent week ahead as further adjustments are made to our learning.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
With assignments piling up, this week you’re feeling a little high strung. You’ll soon be returning back to campus, no doubt comparing experiences on who’s had it worse. Watch out though, your competitive side may get the best of you as you flaunt unlucky number 13. Surely this means you win – but really, haven’t you lost?
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You won’t be happy about the impending return to campus, so I wish you luck! Considering your stubborn nature, I have no doubt that you were involved in ‘flooding the inboxes’ for the desire to stay home and Covid-free. However, It’s not all bad. You’ll soon appreciate the sense of normality. That is, assuming you leave your room. Your lucky number is 4.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
The anticipation of being back on campus has got you buzzing with excitement! Well, maybe that’s too strong a word. Nonetheless, you’ve collected masks in all colours and have already created plans to rejuvenate that dismal social life you’ve been having. Your lucky number is 6, for the amount of weekends booked in honour of drinking Covid-19 away.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
This week, your ‘spidey senses’ will be tingling as you prepare yourself for in-person learning. Stronger than ever, you will be feeling the presence of others and will have the desire to whack them with a 1m ruler as you yell out “SOCIAL DISTANCE!”. After all, their rambling thoughts are interfering with your sanctuary. Your lucky number is 2, for the distance you want them to stay away.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
This week, you will be the envy of others as your return to society comes naturally. You’ll be rocking new threads adjourned around the mouth giving off an aura of complete badassery. There will be no need for social distancing as people will already be clearing your way. Your lucky number is, well whatever you want; you’re on top of the world.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
In your desire to help others, you’ve been scouring the pages of UoA Confessions to offer resolutions. We admire your dedication! However, as a sacrifice for your support, you’re now playing a game of catch up. Take the opportunity of using on-campus resources to check yourself and get some work done! Your lucky number is 8.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
In these past few weeks, you have been obsessed with AUSA and Craccum updates. You’ve lived, eaten and breathed what they’ve had to say but yet, you remain unsure of where you stand. Well, it’s D-day and time has run out! In the end, curiosity will get the better of you as on-campus learning is looming. Your lucky number is 7.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
This week, you’ll be feeling a slight lack of control in which UoA is to blame. Fortunately, you will compensate for your fear of being two-steps behind, by somehow managing to land two-steps in front. Your lucky number is 9, as if that explains the sorcery behind sidestepping the authorities.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Freedom! At long last, you have the ability to leave the home and have a nice change of scenery as you make your way from the bedroom to study halls. However, those emails from Jetstar are looking pretty good… perhaps it’s time to trade the books for a drink in Queenstown. I mean, what’s study? You have lucky number $49, for the cost of domestic flights.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
This week you’ll be frustrated with the changes to learning; it’s interrupting your regime. But never fear, your process of binging on Netflix and social media scrolling shall not go amiss. Instead, you’ll be saving yourself some money as you switch to UoA’s Wi-Fi. We see you. Your lucky number is 3.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Committed to the well-being of others, your participation in petitions are beginning to pave the way. Your wrist will be metaphorically aching from all the signing you’ve done, but was it enough? This week, you will start seeing the results of all your hard work, both good and bad. So, prepare yourself for the outcome. Your lucky number is 20.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
This week, you will be feeling torn. You’ve been living in a fantasy world as you’ve sought shelter in comfort. However, I’m telling you now that it’s time to break away from habit as reality will soon hit you. Hard. At this rate, you’re not prepared for the onslaught of work that awaits, and don’t say I didn’t warn you. Your number is 5. Time is ticking.
